Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone (202) 224 3254 Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as " in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent, Donald Ruppert Burlington, IA Get your Forms (NOW)!!
Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.


PEA said...

I love it! Everything this guy says in his letter is so true...you can really see the unfairness on how we, the life long citizens, get treated compared to an illegal alien. It boggles the mind that the senate would even pass such a bill!!

Nancy said...

So true... and it really boggles my mind!

Monkey Giggles said...

True...true..true..that's all I'll say

Linda said...

I get so angry over this subject. I guess I'll just sign up to be an illegal alien. lol

Linda said...

One more thing. May I copy this letter. My friends with the federal government would love to see this.

on the Rock said...

Good way to make a point:)

MugwumpMom said...

Perhaps I'm a glass half full type of person, and can appreciate the frustration for many legal Americans...but you ought to be proud that so many still see your country as the land of the free

Ma said...

I'd like to become an illegal too. ;-P

Hiya, Sandy! It's so good to be back in the blog world, and to my home in the middle of the Pacific!

Akelamalu said...

The same applies here in the UK, sadly!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Maybe the US government should come to Australia and see what our government does. They stick the illegals behind barbed wire out in the desert and leave them there for years.

Beckie said...

It seems unfair, but whoever said life is supposed to be fair. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.

I LOVE your new picture.

Lee-ann said...

Sandy is that true??? ((shaking my head)) were is it all going to end??

that is so interesting and I am glad you shared it with us all the way down here in Australia.

see you again real soon.

Melli said...

ROFL! Nuts!
Hey! I like your new photo! Niiiice!