Thursday, June 28, 2007

I am at home today because I was told yesterday at Hospice by a relative that I have been "over-stepping my bounds" by being there so much. I am trying to understand all of this and I think now that I finally have a handle on it. I know that I have done for Betty what I told her that I would do. I am not going to let guilt do me in!!! I have done all that I know to do to help her in any kind and caring way that I can. I have been there for her as much as I could. Now I am stepping back.

I can understand that her family needs to be there but when we all "stepped in" there was NO FAMILY there and someone needed to be there. Now that family has "finally" arrived we are no longer needed. I get that!! It just hurts!! I am tired and that does not help the way that I feel either. Sorry but I am venting again!! I will TRY not to do this again.

It does help for me to write it all out here. Please understand that I LOVE BETTY!! All I wanted to do was to be there with her and not to have her alone. She is sleeping a lot but when she wakes up I just wanted someone with a friendly face sitting there. I am sure her family will provide that for her now.

She is very close to going HOME now. Very!! Each day is worse than the day before. She has lost the SPARKLE in her eyes now!! I hated to see that go but knew that was going to happen. I gave her a kiss yesterday when I left. She was asleep but I felt like it was the last.

I am sorry this sounds so much like a downer today!! I will try in my future blogs to get things back up to where they usually are on this blog...HAPPY AND POSITIVE...I guess just hang with me until my life gets turned around again....

ON A LIGHTER NOTE:
I have been out reading blogs again. Ya'll are having some good times out there plus I have been meeting some new bloggers...What fun!! So many, many nice people in blogland!! Lazy Daisy is doing well so our prayers worked!! God Bless ya all!!

26 comments:

C. R. Morris said...

Hi, I'm blog hopping and I keep landing on the neatest blogs. I'm sorry that you've been hurt. I've felt that way before and there isn't much you can do to change your feelings. Hang in there, just give it to God and keep smiling. I think it's awesome what you've done for your friend. Trust that God will lead the family members to see the wonderful gift you have given.. and, if not, you'll see your friend again in Heaven one day and I'm sure she'll wrap her arms around you and you'll know that guilt is definitely not needed. I'm praying for you to day because I know how bad it can hurt. Prayers for God's peace in your life right now. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Linda said...

Just popping in quickly to check on you and Betty. Sounds like the end is very near for Betty, but what a beautiful beginning she will have. You have been such a good friend and Betty knows that. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Autumn said...

I'm sorry you were hurt. I know it must be hard to let go of such a dear friend. My best friend died about 8 years ago and I wasn't there for her. I regreat that so much now. Sometimes we have to tell ourself that we have done all we can do, now it is up to others. You can walk away knowing that you did your best and you will be blessed for it.

Peggy said...

I know you are hurting and I am so sorry. Try to think of all the good memories with Betty and how you were there for each other. Betty's family probably feels quilty for not being there till now and seeing you who was always there for her makes their quilt even stronger. Don't stay away all the time. Go for a few minute visit even if its just to say goodbye. Betty may be sleeping but hearing is the last sense to go and she will hear you. She and you both need that goodbye. Hugs my friend.

Talk..to..Grams said...

Sandy, I am so sorry that you are going through a such a hard time. I just pray today that God will suround you with His Love and Peace. It is so hard when people misunderstand what we meant for doing the right thing, (and you were}Thats what hurts! ONLY God can heal hurts,I know that for sure!
You know all of us our praying for you and Betty everyday and that you are LOVED by tons of people out here in Blogland!!!!
I just read what Peggy said and I think she hit the nail on the head!
Grams ((Hugs from me, too))

Glo said...

Sorry to hear your hurting. You know you and Betty are in our prayers.Remember all the good time and put the rest in Gods hands.It must have been a day for families hurting each other. I got a very hateful e-mail from my Sis-in-law.I could have set right down and hurt her. Instead Mike and I just set and prayed and put in God's hands. Your in our prayers always. Take care my friend. Remember life brought you to it,BUT God will take you through it.

Hootin'Anni said...

'tis true that the family needs to be with Betty in her last hours on this earth....but I can see why/and understand you're hurt. That's okay. No, really Sandy---you have a right to feel hurt. But keep heart...you did wonders for your friend by being by her side! Who's to know that maybe it was her request to just have family around right now...she didn't want to lose dignity and didn't want her good friend [you] to see the suffering of her last hours.

{{{Sandy}}}

PEA said...

Oh Sandy, I just know how you're feeling and you have every right to be feeling that way. We all know how you just wanted to be with Betty when she needed you...that family relative could have been a bit nicer about it!! At least you know you were there for her and you can be at peace knowing you did all you could. My heart goes out to you and may God take Betty home soon so that she is no longer suffering. xoxo

the night owl said...

Hi Sandy, I know how your heart must be broken....The family does not fully understand what a Friend you have been to Betty.May her last days go easy without pain.I read my award you gave me,and I have had a rough week at PT.Hope to post it soon on my blog.Thanks for thinking of me.
Love, Barb

on the Rock said...

I'm sure your wonderful friend Betty is deeply appreciative of your presence and your prayers. You have gone as far as God has given you the opportunity to walk by her side, and that's a lovely gift for you both. It's not an easy place to be in life for no one in times as this.

May God continue to lift you and especially Betty up in his comfort and embracing power in this time.

Jane said...

Sandy, what you have done for Betty is what God would have wanted you to do. She is your friend and you honored her wishes. Sometimes other people do not know how to be grateful for help. That family member probably has some guilt feelings of their own and took it out on you.
You are the kind of friend I would want by my side in that situation. You were Jesus with skin on for Betty and you have no reason to feel guilty.
God bless you.

Denise said...

I am very sorry that you are feeling hurt my sweet friend. You have been a true heart friend to Betty, she will never forget her dear friend Sandy. I love you.

Moogie said...

I'm so very happy that you were there for Betty. I know that was much appreciated and you are such a good friend to be there for her. I'm sorry you were hurt but I truly believe you were doing the right thing by being there for her when her family could not. And it's so gracious of you to step back, even though it hurts so bad. It sounds as if you have a wonderful husband, a real keeper (I read some of your other posts. :) )

Melanie said...

Life is not always happy and positive, so no one expects your blog to always be cheerful. I'm sure it is good for you to be able to write about your thoughts and get support from your blogging friends. I can't even imagine how hurtful it was for you to be asked to leave. You did the right thing by being there for Betty as long as you could be and I'm sure she knows that. She knows what a great friend you are.
I will keep you in my prayers during this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

I know how much you loved Betty and I am sure she knew you were there for her when she needed you. All you can do now is step back and let the family do their thing, they will thank you in the end. Just be glad you were there when she needed a friend, know it is hard, but God will see that you have many jewels in your crown. God bless you and keep you safe, just try to not worry and please keep the faith, God is in control, just remember that. Love & Hugs Mother & Dad

Susan said...

I know you have been a wonderful friend to Betty. I'm sure they didn't want to upset you...and are not thinking as clearly as they could either right now. You are a wonderful friend, Sandy...and I think your friends are blessed to have you.

Many HUGS!!

:-) Susan

YellowRose said...

I'm so sorry Sandy, and you have no reason to apologize for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are legit and you have the right to them. You've been there for Betty from the beginning, you want to be with her till the end. Just remember this, Betty knows that you have been a good friend to her and so does her family. You just need to remember that. You and Betty are in my prayers.

When we come to Savannah I'll email you. Maybe we can meet for lunch or something! It would be wonderful to finally meet you! ;)

Ellie said...

Stopping by to introduce myself. I am Ellie and I have been reading your blog for a few weeks, off and on. Have been busy in my neck of the woods, so haven't dropped a comment for you yet. I hope you don't mind that I put your link on my blog?

I am sorry you have been snubbed. It makes one wonder, you know, "Why, when you are already down because your friend is dying, would something like this happen to sort of top off things?"

May God, who loves each of deeply, bring you peace in your heart and allow you to find rest for your pain.

Blessings,

Ellie

Melli said...

Awwwwww Sweety... It's okay to be hurt! You know... often times WE love our friends as much if not MORE than their family members do... but those last hours really are meant for family... to share special moments and to take care of things that may be left unsaid between them. YOU have said what you need to to Betty... she is going to go to Heaven KNOWING how much you love her - without question! You have been there - and she knows it! She feels it! I know that you would like to be there until the very end... but sadly, it really is the family's time with her.
((((((Hugs Sweety)))))

Jennifer said...

I love you, sweet Sandy...I'm so proud that you've been able to do so much good for Betty up until now. Her family wants to step in and fulfill their responsibilities, it looks like. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, though...mine would have been too. Don't worry about sounding down today. I know I'd feel the same way.
You have the kindest, most giving heart...what a blessing Betty has had having you for a friend (and me too!!)
Love you, girl! :)

Maggie Ann said...

You did just what Jesus wanted you to do, sticking close to your friend.. and when no one else was there to be with her. People can come across very rudely sometimes...I'm sorry you got hurt and hurts take time to heal over. If your beloved friend could talk you know what she would have to say about what happened I'm sure. What a sad time...yet it seems she is not suffering terribly if she sleeps a lot? That is a big blessing. You take care of yourself and get lots of rest, "His eye is on the sparrow and I know he cares....for you" *hugs*

Puss-in-Boots said...

Dearest Sandy

I'm so sorry you are feeling hurt...but you're allowed that. You have been such a close friend of Betty's and now the family have decided to turn up, it's you that has to step back.

Take heart, Sandy, Betty knows what you have been to her.

Hugs

Meg said...

{{{{Sandy}}}} It is so hard for you and for Betty's family right now. I am sure that the one who said the hurtful thing to you is so thankful for you being there with Betty when no one else was. We say such stupid things in the face of grief. The important thing is that Betty knew your love and more importantly, God knows your heart. He will be a source of comfort to you in this hurt and in your loss. Keep your eyes on Him.

Don't apologize for a downer blog...it is not a downer! It is good to know how to pray for you.

Daniel 9:23 At the beginning of your pleas for mercy a word went out, and I have come to tell you, for you are greatly loved.

Bless you today, Meg

Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Sandy. I'm sorry that you are hurting. I could imagine how painful it was to hear one of Betty's relativea say that to you. It's sad that instead of being grateful to you they utter the opposite. Just remember that Betty is most grateful for everything you've done for her no matter what others say.

LadyBugCrossing said...

My mom is a nurse -- a geriatric nurse. She has seen families do this over and over to the people who have been there when they couldn't/wouldn't be. It's frustrating and annoying to the friends who did all the running around, who did all the caring, and who basically were the family as well as the nursing staff who know that those friends were more of a family than the family.
Most of the time it is plain old guilt that the family members have for not being there that makes them say such cruel things...

It doesn't make it any easier for you or the other friends who have spent so much time with Betty. The whole thing stinks!

Someday, that family member will realize how nasty he/she was... I think that if you want to see Betty, you can certainly go see her.
xo
LBC

Linda said...

Dear Sandy,
My heart hurts for you. You have been such a loving friend to Betty. The Bible tells us that God values that loving friendship...in so doing you have been that loving friend to him. He knows your hurt. The family are hurting and as someone else said, they are not understanding your special friendship with Betty. Perhaps they will later. Perhaps not. But he knows.

Bless you, dear lady.